Daddy's Girl
Seth is still sick. Ugh. So much of this trip has been spent worrying
about him and dealing with him at mealtimes (nightmare), and walking
the floors with him. He's just miserable. We put him on an antibiotic
today (Zithromax) which I hate doing--medicating is always a last
resort with me--but his body is just not kicking whatever it is he
has. He's had a fever every day for this entire trip. Also, he's been
exhibiting some signs of jealousy towards Lily, and whichever parent
is holding her, that's the only parent he wants holding him. This is a
really big transition for him too, which is why I thought it was
important for him to be here on this trip. We give him lots of
attention and play time, but we also let him know that Lily is here to
stay and he has to share our laps with her.
Lily is starting to show some grieving. She has decided that Rob is
her favorite person, and she continues to engage him and laugh with
him and seek him out. She fusses when I try to hold her when we're in
the same room, and if I'm alone with her, she appears to be looking
for him, or at the very least solemn and tense. It's okay. Attachment
is a slow, lifetime process. Also, I learned today that her primary
care provider was her foster father, so of course she is going to
prefer Rob to me. In addition, he has dark hair and eyes and looks
more similar (minus the facial hair) to the people she is used to
trusting. I know that she'll come around. It's just a little hard
right now. I am being diligent about touching her and feeding her and
talking to her and trying to engage her. She can only avoid me for so
long. (Then when she's a teenager, she can avoid me for other reasons,
but I think that's a different message board topic!)
Here are some more tidbits about her personality: She sucks her two
middle fingers and uses her other hand to carress her eyes to fall
asleep. So I lay next to her and softly stroke her eybrows and
forehead, which she loves, and she drifts off to sleep shortly
afterward. She also rolls all over the place while she's sleeping
(hence the night of frantic searching written about in a previous
post.) She is quite loving to Seth, but also very bossy. Tonight she
was feeding him pieces of meat off her high chair tray, and she had
two fistfuls of crackers, and she gave one of them to Seth. But then
she took some toys away from him later, but that was so she could put
them away. LOL! She loves to have her hands washed lotioned. She also
loves being read to.
I haven't talked much about her cleft, but it isn't really the main
concern at this point. It is pretty severe, but still not as bad as I
was imagining. I can see that she will likely need a nose job to
restore the shape of her nose, because when they fixed her lip, they
pulled her nose down pretty flat. She is able to eat anything that a
normal 2yo can eat. She just eats a bit slower than everyone else, so
we take our time at the table. (Which is also why Seth is having a
hard time making it thru a meal.) Food does come out of her nose from
time to time. And when she sneezes, you just never know what surprises
you're going to find. But she patiently lets us wipe her nose each
time and then she goes about her day.
Tomorrow we're going to visit the orphanage and meet her foster
family. Please pray for us and for Lily. We are expecting her to have
many tears and feel very sad when we leave. This is really in her best
interest, though. This will not only give her closure, but also in
seeing her old family with her new family, she will feel like we are
validating the love she feels for them and it will be as if they have
given her permission to love us. Without a visit, she may feel for
quite a while that if she loves us, then she is betraying her China
family. This visit will help her to process this whole change in a
more healthy way. (We're hoping.)
Love and blessings,
Jody
The beautiful Yun Tai Garden. Rob stayed back at the hotel with Seth so that maybe Seth can start feeling better and also to give Lily and me a chance to do some mommy-daughter bonding.
She's not sure what to think about leaving Daddy and Seth behind.
The sign behind us shows the Chinese character for blessing.
Lily enjoys a sucker (maybe her first?) as we gaze across the beautiful lake and fountain in the center of the garden.
about him and dealing with him at mealtimes (nightmare), and walking
the floors with him. He's just miserable. We put him on an antibiotic
today (Zithromax) which I hate doing--medicating is always a last
resort with me--but his body is just not kicking whatever it is he
has. He's had a fever every day for this entire trip. Also, he's been
exhibiting some signs of jealousy towards Lily, and whichever parent
is holding her, that's the only parent he wants holding him. This is a
really big transition for him too, which is why I thought it was
important for him to be here on this trip. We give him lots of
attention and play time, but we also let him know that Lily is here to
stay and he has to share our laps with her.
Lily is starting to show some grieving. She has decided that Rob is
her favorite person, and she continues to engage him and laugh with
him and seek him out. She fusses when I try to hold her when we're in
the same room, and if I'm alone with her, she appears to be looking
for him, or at the very least solemn and tense. It's okay. Attachment
is a slow, lifetime process. Also, I learned today that her primary
care provider was her foster father, so of course she is going to
prefer Rob to me. In addition, he has dark hair and eyes and looks
more similar (minus the facial hair) to the people she is used to
trusting. I know that she'll come around. It's just a little hard
right now. I am being diligent about touching her and feeding her and
talking to her and trying to engage her. She can only avoid me for so
long. (Then when she's a teenager, she can avoid me for other reasons,
but I think that's a different message board topic!)
Here are some more tidbits about her personality: She sucks her two
middle fingers and uses her other hand to carress her eyes to fall
asleep. So I lay next to her and softly stroke her eybrows and
forehead, which she loves, and she drifts off to sleep shortly
afterward. She also rolls all over the place while she's sleeping
(hence the night of frantic searching written about in a previous
post.) She is quite loving to Seth, but also very bossy. Tonight she
was feeding him pieces of meat off her high chair tray, and she had
two fistfuls of crackers, and she gave one of them to Seth. But then
she took some toys away from him later, but that was so she could put
them away. LOL! She loves to have her hands washed lotioned. She also
loves being read to.
I haven't talked much about her cleft, but it isn't really the main
concern at this point. It is pretty severe, but still not as bad as I
was imagining. I can see that she will likely need a nose job to
restore the shape of her nose, because when they fixed her lip, they
pulled her nose down pretty flat. She is able to eat anything that a
normal 2yo can eat. She just eats a bit slower than everyone else, so
we take our time at the table. (Which is also why Seth is having a
hard time making it thru a meal.) Food does come out of her nose from
time to time. And when she sneezes, you just never know what surprises
you're going to find. But she patiently lets us wipe her nose each
time and then she goes about her day.
Tomorrow we're going to visit the orphanage and meet her foster
family. Please pray for us and for Lily. We are expecting her to have
many tears and feel very sad when we leave. This is really in her best
interest, though. This will not only give her closure, but also in
seeing her old family with her new family, she will feel like we are
validating the love she feels for them and it will be as if they have
given her permission to love us. Without a visit, she may feel for
quite a while that if she loves us, then she is betraying her China
family. This visit will help her to process this whole change in a
more healthy way. (We're hoping.)
Love and blessings,
Jody
The beautiful Yun Tai Garden. Rob stayed back at the hotel with Seth so that maybe Seth can start feeling better and also to give Lily and me a chance to do some mommy-daughter bonding.
She's not sure what to think about leaving Daddy and Seth behind.
The sign behind us shows the Chinese character for blessing.
Lily enjoys a sucker (maybe her first?) as we gaze across the beautiful lake and fountain in the center of the garden.
posted by jodyfoznot @ 8:42 AM
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